February 2012
4 posts
Daily life
Haven’t been really on tumblr ever since I started uni last year. Just some random post to help me remember some stuffs in ten years time. I mean, I dont want to look back in ten years to realise that I remember nothing about this season of my life.
So life have been pretty good, with A LOT of ups & downs (: and my never ending activities.
There were days that I just felt like...
I wish I was brave enough. I hate this feeling. I miss you, my ideal man.
Your silence is always filled with love because your language of love is not words of affirmation but quality time & touch.
FINALLY
I got my driver’s today! After one year inclusive of the 5 mths I was in aussie.
January 2012
2 posts
We are so damaged.
Once in a while when someone tells us that they will be our listening ears, we will be so grateful. We think of ways to pour our hearts in hope for some comfort. But that doesnt happen in the end. We didnt have enough, courage to utter anything. Our life goes on. We remain unhappy. We let time heal our wounds. We find strength in time. And we tell ourselves, all for a better future.
My wall of defense is too high up. My big brother, my best friends, they are no longer the same. I stopped telling them stuffs because I was afraid that they will worry for me. Now they don’t ask anymore. I’m this lost. I spent so much time crying, breaking down my wall to just build it up again. Persuading this dream is getting tougher. How many nights am I suppose to cry myself to...
December 2011
1 post
我开始怀疑当初的决定是否是对的。现在已经不可能回头了。 我很乱，很痛。 但是，我不能说。只能假装没事，假装开心。
October 2011
2 posts
New directions.
Some day if I walked out of the path, this will serve as a painful reminder to push me on. This is going to be a lengthy post because I want that moment to be imprinted as a vivid memory.
During the altar call on Saturday’s church conference, Vicki Simpsons from C3 Oxford Falls prophesy over me. It was the first altar call that I got prayed for first and thru the microphone. “I see...
A night worth remembering
In the midst of our daily routine, God gives us little surprises every now and then.
Tonight was a special connect to me out of the fortnightly routine. God have been speaking to me & putting pictures in me of the things that I will do in future. I am excited but yet a little fearful. I know that every great vision comes with a high price to pay. I saw the vision….and the price. While...
September 2011
2 posts
Breaking my walls all over
3 months ago, I walked out of my comfort zone - out of those big hugs, out of the friends bother to hack my walls, out of being dependent. Just as I thought my wall crumpled and I can stop bottoming every thing up, I have to learn it again. I can’t help but to shut myself. I have no idea how to tell anyone that I’m not okay. It’s not that my friendships changed. But how am I...
God's way are higher
I was very much in doubt when I first heard God assuring me that aussie was part of His plan. I’m glad i did it anyway. Not just for the degree, but the fact that I trusted God with that little faith I had.
In the past 2 months or so, I have seen God dealing with me more than He ever did. Perhaps this is the only way I can be away from distractions, pulled away people that I can be...
August 2011
4 posts
You used to be so happy, driven and casual. I could always look you up whenever i need a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on without worrying that I would affect you in any way. Now I have to be so cautious around you, afraid that I would step on the wrong mine and bring up unhappy emotions. Why? You couldnt let go. You taught me to cry even if its just a minor unhappiness. But you didn’t...
2 tags
“You have a right to experiment with your life. You will make mistakes. And they...”
– Anais Nin (via aeloquence)
I got this huge feeling that I’m losing my battle with depression again. Damn it.
The difference between man & woman when they face a major failure in life.
The woman will usually breakdown and cry, first. After being depress for a short while, she will pick the little that remains in her life and with all a strong determination & will, she fights the battle of failure. She continue fixing her life with the pain that pushes her on. She forces a smile to everyone she...
July 2011
1 post
I’m angry and very annoyed. I have no idea what’s wrong with sg guys, particularly my ex-boyf. I was once young and ignorance. But I have since grew up. It was a game to me. Im not that powerless young girl anymore. Im secured & knw what I want.
Everyone has a past. And my past, I want it to be forgotten. Facebook is enough if you ever want to be updated with my news.
I am not...
June 2011
6 posts
Anonymous asked: Yes, I came here with a genuine heart to help, and no, I am not your sister's friend. It doesn't matter who I am. I just wanna let you know that there are people who loves you out there and you must live life to the fullest, being optimistic and all. Follow what God teaches you. Follow all the commandments. It will make you happier.
Anonymous asked: Those people are not your friends neither are they total strangers. You've met them couple of times. Yet.... sigh, I dont know. I've no right to jugde anyone. I guess you were just feeling moody.
Anonymous asked: You should learn how to forgive and forget. I realized you always mention about Heavenly Father and Jesus and all. I am a Christian myself. I want to learn to be like Jesus and God and the Holy Spirit in many ways. Be forgiving, be obedient etc. I am trying hard to follow the commandments. Also, be optimistic in every ways! Can you do that? Don't keep thinking that your mother, family,...
Anonymous asked: Everything you do, you can make a choice. For instance, although your parents are divorce, you can still be a filial daughter or friend to them. You can always choose to stay close to your family. God gives us free agency to choose what you want to do. I know you are trying but you can change harder in terms of treating your family, friends, neighbours, strangers, and most importantly, yourself,...
If my life story will help others in the future, put me through the fury furnace oh God.
Had a very great time at KT’s place last night laughing, chatting & catching up w my coursemates & lecturers (: Hopefully we get to do this often despite all our different paths.
May 2011
13 posts
God, keep my friend safe tmr. I know there is going to be an emotion outburst. But keep him safe & sane.
Dreams die, dreams resurrect then dreams come to past. My dreams died. So when is it going to resurrect?
Anonymous asked: Haven't you ever wonder why things never go your way, but you can't blame anyone else, but yourself?
And maybe a timely fall during the most impt time of our life will compel us to run faster with more determination. I hope the next chapter of my life will be one of faith not fear. That huge fall have woke me up. Living in fear was not funny. My life had went spiral down ever since. It had not went back up, and I wonder when it will ever spiral up once again :(
#2 I like meeting friends overseas (:
“Why do people ask “Are you okay?” Does “I’m fine” honestly satisfy you? If so,...”
– (via runawaytrain)
Because all along, I knew I was a better actor than everyone else. I can afford to hide all my worries & frustration just to hear you out. I am still doing that and will always do that.
It wasnt already easy to deal with low iron count & low blood pressure. Now i have to deal with depression. FML. I thought i have won the war at the first time. I didnt. I never did.
April 2011
10 posts
Facts about me
#1 I like to sit next to my friend on the cushioned-seat of a four seater rectangle table even though we look funny.
The hurt got deeper again. I used to cry in bed or breakdown while bathing so I would feel better. I cant do it anymore. No matter how much I want to cry, the tears just refuse to flow. What’s wrong? Did it got so painful that it is taking my breathe away?
Tonight I surrender all. Holy Spirit, be my Comforter. God never gives us more than what we can handle.
钱可以再赚但是青春一去就不回了
You are the potter, I am the clay. I choose to trust my Master. It will all work out to be good.
I think I am having slight depression :( Someday I might just not be sane. God save me pls.
I secretly wish that I can once agn bare my heart. It’s kind of impossible. That wall that some kind soul once help me to break, its up again. “If you dont knw who to talk to, XX will always be here.” - I will always rmb those words of a very dear friend. But I have no idea how to approach him anymore. It’s not because he is not there anymore. In fact, he is still there...
“Money can’t guarantee victory—it can’t buy passion, charisma,...”
– Barack Obama (Audacity of Hope)
March 2011
4 posts
I do annoying things because I have forgotten how to say “I hurt”.
“When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we...”
– Henri J.M. Nouwen (via kari-shma)
I don’t like this feeling. As much as I look excited about going aussie, I cring at the thought of going over. Its ALOT of money involved. I am going to be alone. No friends, no family, nothing. No one to talk to when I’m about to breakdown. No skype, no msn. My whole life is going to change. Worst of all, no one understands why I have to put myself in such difficulty. Its not funny...
I’m so numb by everything that is happening arnd me.
It’s too much to take.
What make matters worst is that home isn’t sweet home.
I have no idea why I have to live my life as if I’m walking on a minefield.
February 2011
3 posts
